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GONZO-LEAKS: Obama tightens the public belt, loosens the TSA belt

January 28, 2011

By Stone Pinkerton
In Washington
Gonzo Town
Jan 28, 2011

Obama tries for the 'mile high' club with new hot staffers.

"But, let me be clear on this. In times of austerity, you cannot, have your cake- and eat it... too."

The following text was edited out President Obama’s ‘State of the Union’ address this past week and leaked to Gonzo Town via our secure Gonzo-leaks server. Sources inside the beltway believe that White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs had made the executive decision to scrap large sections of the previously approved speech because of “strong personal feelings” about placing further risk upon the President’s tender approval ratings.

Deleted text:

“Now… I know. That a lot a-you folks are work’in hard. I know… I know. It ain’t easy- work’in three jobs. Raise’in three kids. I know. I got two of my own… and a wife. And a cat.

This economy has seen Michelle’s and my own personal net worth drop by 15%. It hurts. I know. It does. But what hurts even more? Nothing. So you gotta get used to it…

But, let me be clear on this. In times of austerity… You cannot… have your cake. And, eat it- too.

There’s been alot of people talk’in bout Rahm and will he run for Mayor of Chicago. Truth is, he ain’t gonna win. Unless he converts to Irish. I’ll be glad to see the back of him- when he goes.

But let’s be fair. That’s not what I came here to talk about. No. I wanna talk about something else.

Now… A lot folks. Are make’in noise… bout those enhanced pat-downs… at airports. Now I know. I fly all the time… I do.

And the last… thing… anyone wants… is an overweight, middle-aged, stranger… on minimum wage… this guy wants me to take my belt off. Try’in to cradle the family jewels… before his lunch break. Now… I don’t like it- any more than the next guy. I don’t.

Now, I know… I fly all the time. But imagine if we had a high-speed, train network. Then you wouldn’t, have to worry… about your children… being groped, by a gang of deputized amateurs… with no hope, and no future.

Now let me be clear…”

END TEXT

The previous deleted text was in fact revised by Gibbs, and transformed into the following section of the President’s State of the Union speech:

    Obama makes joke about TSA pat-downs in his final draft speech approved by Robert Gibbs this week.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 5, 2011 2:56 pm

    why can’t people see that this “leaked” and “deleted” text is fake…?
    i mean come on… no one ACTUALLY writes like that..
    especially not for a public SPEECH..
    the person who wrote this is obviously a crackpot or he was just drunk while writing it on a lonely night when he had nothing better to do..
    and no lol i am not some damn Obamanoid in anyway.
    he might be a nice person, what do i know, and i don’t really care..
    but this written speech is clearly made up, cause simply enough – no one writes like that unless you are playing around, or if you don’t know better (which is highly unlikely if you are the person who writes speeches for presidents)

    • February 5, 2011 4:45 pm

      Ummm, errrr… I think everyone can see that its fake. It’s filed under the “satire” section.

      Look who is the drunk crackpot now.

      All I can say to you is that you really should lay off the marijuana mate.

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